How to Keep the Calm After a Retreat

Did you just go on the best retreat ever? 

Maybe you had a huge shift in perspective, and felt completely alive and connected. Perhaps you visited one of the most peaceful and beautiful places, or finally let go of the burdens you've been carrying. Maybe you had an awakening of some kind, like a big "aha" moment and now it's starting to fade.

You're back home, and everything feels too loud.

Or too grey.

And probably both!

Now everyone wants something from you again. 

If this sounds all too familiar, please know you are not alone.

Please also know that all of the peace and wellbeing you cultivated when away is still there...  but it's totally OK if it's not as easily accessible now.

It's all a part of the journey.

Our spiritual life (just like real-world life) ebbs and flows. We remember who we truly are, then we forget. We remember, we forget. 

Jack Kornfield wrote an amazing book about this called After the Ecstasy, the Laundry. He makes the point that just like after the honeymoon comes the marriage - after the ecstasy is the laundry. After the retreat is the dishes, the work, the bills to pay. the The open, luminous moments don’t replace ordinary life. They take turns with it. 

Why the return can feel so strange

On retreat you’ve often got time and space to just be. There's quiet, food made for you, people around you who understand you. Your body gets the chance to truly rest. The mind can settle. The heart can open. You've been in a safe, supported bubble.

Then you go home, and everything speeds up at once. You're more vulnerable to seeing the hardness and greyness of the real world. 

It was always you

Here’s what I say to the women leaving my retreats -

Nothing I shared on the retreat was special. In the sense that all of it is available to you at home. The nidra, the breath, the reminder to ask your heart what you actually need. It's yours to take with you forever. 

And I don't care how amazing your facilitator is...

Every breakthrough and every new perspective came from you.

The peace you felt was found inside you.

A retreat clears a little space and you do the finding. Or as I prefer - The remembering.

That peace didn’t stay in the retreat. You brought it home with you.

A softer way back

• Go slowly if you can. A lighter first day, a quiet evening, a day to unpack before work. If you can’t, tell the people around you that you may need a bit more calm for a few days.
• Tell your people a sentence. “It was big and I’m still taking it in” is plenty. They may have been juggling a lot while you were away, so a big thank you goes a long way too.
• Ease back into screens. You don’t have to catch up on everything in the first hour.
• Take home one or two small things. Five minutes of breathing. A page of journaling. A walk without your phone. Trying to rebuild the whole retreat at home can be exhausting.
• Write down what came up. The insights fade quickly once the washing starts. Make a note in your journal about what you'd like to remember. 
• Keep in touch with the women you met. Continue to say hi in the Whatsapp group occasionally. Let everyone know how you're doing. Or if you're from my retreats - join the online membership and connect there! This is a prefect way to stay in "remembering" more.
• Be gentle with the dip. Feeling flat or tearful is very common, and it usually passes with rest and routine. If it lasts more than a couple of weeks or stops you functioning, please talk to a doctor or someone you trust.

Meeting the moment with curiosity, compassion and acceptance

This is something I teach at the beginning of any new course or retreat. It applies for learning something new and also the integration part. If a wobble comes, try not to fix it.

Rest a hand over your heart and get a little curious about what you're feeling. Offer yourself a little kindness and compassion. 

And accept that this is all a part of the process. A little tenderness and vulnerability doesn’t mean the retreat wore off. It's an opportunity to practice coming home to yourself in the middle of your actual real life.

Keeping it going

Many women find a weekly rhythm helps even more than the big gestures.

If you’d like one for yourself, I teach a restful live Zoom class once a week in Restore, my online membership every Monday at 7pm UK time. 

And if you want the full retreat experience my next Retreat to Remember is June 25 -30 2027.

Email [email protected] for more info. 

Sources: Omega Institute, “Tips for Returning Home After a Silent Retreat”; GoodTherapy, “Best Practices for Integrating after a Retreat”; PLOS ONE, “Is a meditation retreat the better vacation?”; Jack Kornfield, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.